Pensamientos
by A Dream You've Chased
Summary: ‘…to be lost in thoughts…’ There’s a person in Soul Society that finds himself in such a state due to a choice that might shape his future and that of his family while he ponders on his life as well… [Post Aizen]


_**Disclaimer:** In order to prevent lawsuits from Kubo-sama lawyers I'm in the need to make this so I will make it easy: I don't own the characters and I never will for more that I wish to do so._

**Summary**: '…to be lost in thoughts…' There's a person in Soul Society that finds himself in such a state due to a choice that might shape his future and that of his family while he ponders on his life as well… Post Aizen

_**Pairing**: Byahana, mention of Byakuya x Hisana and IchiRuki._

_Yeah I'm back, with a one-shot, which I think it's kind of odd because I can find the time to make one of these and not to update my fic –sighs- well I will update eventually, only have to check and change some things in my chapters to shape them to my liking._

_Also is mostly due to some issues at grasping and further developing Byakuya's character, after all, let's face it, he can be a real handsome and dreamy guy that makes girls go gaga, but he's such a cold, emotionally constipated man that mostly resembles a chunk of ice or an animated stone…._

_Anyway, you can take this as a practice I took for his character and that will make 'The Bookstore' more cannon, I hope_

_**Warnings:** Well there's none. I mean I will mention some things about what's going on with the Aizen thing and some speculations on my part. I know that some people haven't read the manga and I know how much of a pain spoilers can be, that's why I'll try to keep it spoiler free about the time line… err…feel free to place in one of your own._

_Anyway enough talking, let's get to the fic._

* * *

"Pensamientos"

_One-shot._

'…_What am I going to do…?_' That was the single question that had been nagging at the back of his mind. Sure there were other issues in his mind as well, issues concerning the actual situation in Soul Society, but that question always managed to return every day with more intensity. However, he had always managed to push it to the back of his mind and temporarily forget it. It was a question that he has not been able to answer.

A small draft of wind picked up, lightly chilling him; it was an obvious sign that winter was close upon them. Maybe being on the exposed verandah was not such a good idea. But he needed the fresh air. His grey eyes were fixed on the few twinkling stars that the autumn sky deigned to show in its infinite blanket of darkness. He was not a man who spent time gazing at the stars. It was an activity that he didn't find pleasing, at least when he was alone.

But that night it was different, it was almost as if the sparkling dots could aid him in finding the answer to that question, a positive answer that would please him and wouldn't hinder him. Though he already knew that the stars would not be of any help to him. It was for that reason that Kuchiki Byakuya, proud captain of the sixth division and honourable head of the Kuchiki clan, decided to answer the question on his own.

He decided to reach for the answer, not caring if it was positive or negative...

_What am I going to do?_

The reaching of an answer would, without a doubt, initiate a intense fight within his being. A fight that he was familiar with, but not on such a difficult level. The answer would shape their future, that of his family and of hers….

He had to choose carefully, a lot was at stake.

Fate had indeed deemed him as her favourite toy because yet once again, he was being used to keep her entertained and she was repeating the same thing that had happened when she had played with him fifty-three years ago. Only this time it was much harder than last time.

The feeble yet powerful entity that kept safe the destiny of everyone had shaped his own destiny at her whim while he had been helpless to stop her. Every step and every thing that has happened in his life was because Fate had wanted it to happen and shape him as he was.

First, the fact of being born into the most important noble family of Sereitei and as the heir to top it all, having his childhood totally bent on his breeding as the perfect future heir of the family, full of obligations for someone to much young to fully understand, a child that had to grow to fast to the beliefs, rules, and education his status carried had transformed him into the silent and reserved person he was now.

Second was the early death of his dear mother, Lady Kuchiki Ouka, her mother had tried to give him a bit of a normal childhood amidst the many responsibilities he had at such a young age and she became his only playmate. His mother had known how difficult his life would be and she had tried to lighten this weight somehow. He had been deeply attached to his mother and he had trusted her like he had never trusted anyone else. He had saved every word of advice she had told him. However, when he was eight years old, his mother had mysteriously fallen ill and had died. The early death of his mother made him reluctant to freely give his trust and lose his smile.

Third, after the death of his mother the only exit he had was to concentrate on his education and to learn everything he could his father, Lord Kuchiki Isamu, was especially hard on him and his education. He wanted his son to be perfect and so he enrolled him in the shinigami academy to become a shinigami like his father. Being of such a noble family meant it was not difficult for Byakuya to get in and he excelled in both the shinigami academy and noble studies. This only shaped him to be proud and a bit egocentric.

Fourth, the death of his father in a hollow extermination mission placed him as the official head of the house at a rather young age, in Sereitei terms that is, and the betrayal of Urahara and Yoruichi made things even more difficult for him. As the new head of the family he had to maintain the image that his noble house wouldn't fall as the Shiba's and Shihouin's had. With this he grew only more distant and strong hearted.

Fifth, this only gave him 180º degrees turn to his life and shaped all the next moments of his life. He met a peasant woman named Hisana and he fell in love with her, against his family wishes he married her. He knew that his family hated her, despised her and would never accept her. They could not bear the thought of a simple commoner being the one to bear the heir to the noble Kuchiki clan, and they did not care that Byakuya was happy.

Albeit he didn't show it in public that he was happy. Being with Hisana made him happy and his smile, the one he had lost when his mother died, returned. He was at peace and in love and he did not care what everyone else thought about it. The only important thing was what he thought about her and with that was enough. Hisana had opened him, warmed him and soothed his heart, soul and spirit.

Yet once again Fate had intervened and ripped away the serenity and peace he had with Hisana. It was almost as if Fate thought 'You have had enough of paradise'. After five years, which had passed like a pleasant dream, Hisana died before the first bloom of spring. Not without first apologizing for not being able to fully love him and to get him promise her that he would find her sister and adopt her as his own. Her death had made him grow cold and empty, his heart and soul broken, unfeeling and having to hide behind a mask.

He didn't know if Fate had taken pity on him, but not long after Hisana's death he became the captain of the sixth division and a year after his wife's death he found her sister among the shinigami academy students. Once again against the wishes of his family he adopted Rukia, another peasant, into the noble house of the Kuchiki to honour the promise he had made to Hisana. After the adoption of Rukia he decided to make another promise, this time to his parents, he promised in front of his parent's final resting place that he would never again break the rules.

For a time he was close to failing both the promise to Hisana and the one he made to his parents, but he was able to spare himself from that, mostly due to the intervention of Kurosaki Ichigo and the betrayal of Aizen Sosuke.

But now the problem had appeared once again…

The promise he made to Hisana was fulfilled now, he had adopted Rukia as his sister and, after Aizen defeat, both, Ichigo and Rukia had settled down. Even though he knew that, as her older brother, he still had a duty to over see her safety most of that responsibility was now Ichigo's and Byakuya was strangely confident that the orange haired boy would be able to do it.

The conflict now lay in the promise he had made to his parents and his own wishes.

After having left him alone for a long time, Fate had decided to; once again, turn him into a toy of destiny by placing her in his way. They knew each other, she had after all saved his life after Aizen's betrayal, but that was all they had, simple as that.

But when the conflict against Aizen had gone on for no more than a year and a half, Fate had decided to bring them together and let him know that she was giving him a new chance with Unohana Retsu, the last person he ever though could be possible to be with. Before Fate had so tactfully drove them to each other, he always thought they were different, not only in age, but in personality and mannerism as well, it wasn't until then that he found there was more in Unohana.

It had not surprised him that Unohana also appreciated the peace and silence like he did; after all she was a healer. However it surprised him that after some time of sharing spontaneous conversations she could perfectly understand him and see beyond his mask of coldness and neutrality and that she had never judged him like many had when the Rukia incident happened. She had understood his reasons completely.

Many times she had given him silent company knowing that words would not do anything, it had not been long before her presence had started to soothe him, especially in such pressing times that had brought them together. Such a thing had only been accomplished by his mother and Hisana before Unohana finally managed to do it as well.

Eventually he grown to fully trust her and share with her many of his opinions just like she had trusted him with her thoughts, past and ideas. He had not noticed that slowly but surely Unohana had started to unfreeze and heal his heart with her kindness, understanding, and trust. He had not noticed until an attack of their enemies had left Unohana on the brink of death. She had placed the lives of others over her own by saving the group, which Rukia had been part of, in order for them to gather an effective defence against the enemies while help reached them. His group had been the help.

The sight of the gentle healer in a pool of her own blood while a hollow hovered over her barely alive form, with Rukia trying desperately to reach her before the hollow ate her, made his blood boil and his usually calm heart clench. His anger only increased when the hollow lifted the unmoving woman with its filthy hands to its mouth, ready to have its meal, possibly one of the many shinigami it had eaten. This time however, the hollow chose the wrong victim. Byakuya had acted quickly, first releasing the unknowing woman, and, after catching her, he had easily disposed of the hollow.

It was later when they were in the fourth division, having given Unohana to the care of Isane and Iemura, and having their wounds tended that Rukia commented that she had never seen him so furious in all her life and truth be told neither had he know that he could get that angry and in that time he had been unwilling to admit why he had acted in such a way and for the time being he had decided to ignore it.

For him the possibility of loving someone else was like betraying the memory of Hisana, it took him awhile, practically all the time Unohana was bedridden, to understand that he could once again love without betraying Hisana's memory. Besides Fate was giving him another chance. Fate had sent another person who soothed and healed his heart and mended his broken soul and such gift shouldn't go to waste.

However while he accepted such issues, he had forgotten two important parts of the equation, such parts being the woman that was now the object of his affections and the family to which he belonged. When he realized this he knew that all the acceptation to such feelings of his heart will be useless if Unohana did not reciprocate. He could deal with his family later, Byakuya first needed to deal with Unohana.

Dealing with the gentle captain had not been as difficult as he thought it was going to be. It had been difficult for him to express those kinds of things, not even with Hisana he had been able to be that open, and he had not completely said it when the still recovering Unohana had silenced him, telling him that she knew what he wanted to say and to inform him that she felt the exact same way he did.

Since that day both had agreed to maintain a sort of relationship, not officially lovers because their situation did not allow for that sort of thing, but not exactly friends anymore. They were in the middle of it and acted as if nothing had changed.

Once Aizen was defeated and the war was over, they took their relationship to the next level, becoming lovers, yet they still remained in clandestine not wanting everyone to be aware of them just yet. Not that many would have noticed, most of the focus was on Ichigo and Rukia, which eventually settled down, then Hitsugaya and Hinamori, which was close to settling, and in Ukitake and Nemu, which had been a great surprise for everyone along with Shuuhei and Isane, but they had not wanted to be an attraction for everyone.

For too long their relation had, and still was, in secrecy. To everyone in Soul Society they were nothing more than close acquaintances and casual talkers, no one suspected of their secretive meetings, or of their deep connection, the comfort they felt with each other, or how their silence spoke more than words.

It wasn't like they wanted to keep it a secret, it was only that he was still unsure and she understood that. He was not unsure of what he felt, rather he was unsure of how to act according to the promise he had made to his parents. Unohana understood that perfectly and knew that he had to come to terms with that.

The weight of that promise was rather heavy upon him, after having adopted Rukia, he had promised in front of his parent's graves that he will never break the rules again, yet, by loving Unohana he was breaking that promise.

Just like Hisana, Unohana did not belong to a noble family and even though she was a captain and member of the Gotei 13, his clan would not keep a blind eye to her poor origins. They would always frown on the fact that Unohana came from the peasant class and was not worthy enough to be with the head of their clan. No matter how many tittles she earned in the Gotei 13 they would always look upon her as nothing.

The Kuchiki clan was in no way going to accept Unohana Retsu as one of their own. They thought they had been shamed enough when he married Hisana. His clan would rather he married a noble woman, one they had already chosen, to keep the name high and the heirs pure blooded. That would be the way custom demanded him to act.

He was torn by the weight of his re-found feelings for Unohana and the promise of a bright future or his promise to his parents to follow the rules and chain himself to a woman chosen by his clan and follow protocol as he was bred and educated to do. His mother always told him to follow and stay true to his own heart while his father always said to keep honour as everything because without it he was nothing.

Byakuya couldn't forget that whatever he decided would affect Unohana, if he decided to remain with her and let everyone know she would be happy and if he decided to stay true to his promise to his parents, he knew she would understand his choice but she would detach slowly from his life forever.

In the end it came to either chose to stay faithful to his heart or to be true to his honour.

Long instants of pure silence drifted by, the only sounds being that of the wind against the leaves while the head of the Kuchiki clan fought an internal battle so intense that even though he was merely sitting there, no one would dare to come close to him at all. He was paralyzed in that spot with his grey eyes fixed intently in an unknown point in front of him; it was a sight to behold indeed.

Finally a leaf couldn't keep its hold on the tree branch and fell soundlessly to the floor, grey eyes followed its path before their owner finally stood up and gazed one last time upon the night sky nothing in his eyes reflected the inner struggle he had been in moments ago.

Elegantly turning around he walked to the shoji door, he slid it open proceeding to the darkened room before closing the shoji door as silently as he had opened it. Soundlessly he walked inside the room, aided by the dim moonlight, though he knew the room well enough to walk through it in complete darkness.

Carefully he slipped into the futon in the middle of the room and settled into a comfortable position, his eyes fixed on the ceiling through he could see nothing of it. Not long after he had settled a warm feminine body pressed against his own, while hakama clad slender arms wrapped around him and instinctively his own wrapped around the warm body.

"Are you done thinking?" She asked lightly while her head came to rest on his chest and under his chin.

He kept his eyes on the ceiling "Yes"

A sigh escaped her lips "Have you finally come to a decision then?"

"Yes" Was his simple one syllable answer.

"Alright, you know that whatever choice you have made will be fine with me and I understand your decision either way, right?" She said softly and felt him slowly nod "Then…"

He took a deep breath "We're going to talk with my family tomorrow"

"Hmm" She shifted a little and gazed at him "Are you sure, Byakuya?"

Amidst the dark he fixed his grey eyes on her blue ones "I'm sure, Retsu"

"Don't you think you might regret it later on?" She asked softly with some sadness in her voice.

"You know very well that I never regret what I do." He stated firmly with some pride in his tone "Tomorrow we will see my family, Retsu"

"Alright, I know they won't accept me" She said while she once again rested her head against his chest "But I will stand whatever is in our way because I am with you"

Still being a person that could not reveal his feelings so openly, he only tightened his hold on her.

"I only hope this is what you truly want and that you won't regret it later on." She concluded.

Minutes later Byakuya could feel Unohana's even breathing indicating that she was asleep. He held her soft, warm form in his arms; she fit perfectly against his body, her warm breath against his neck and the tantalizing scent of violets that came from her deep raven hair…

It was then that he knew he had made the right choice and that he would never regret it, he also knew that his mother will be proud of him had she still been alive.

* * *

_My, my re-reads the thing well seems that I didn't quite keep Byakuya in character; well this is what happens when you have six red-bulls mixed with vanilla coke…I blame it on them!_

_Hope you like it even though it's so OCC, but still I like it and I needed to write another Byahana to get it out of my system, right now I'm with Byahana obsession and I'm working on other one-shot…possibly it will be better, ne?_

_Also thanks to Bakageta for being my Beta yet once again.- _

_Flames are not welcome and no complaints about the OCC'ness, I know of it already, do not rub it in my face._


End file.
